


Poisons That Blind

by Tcharlatan



Category: Dir en grey, Penicillin (Band)
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe - Assassins & Hitmen, Alternate Universe - Yakuza, Anxiety, Blackmail, Dubious Consent, Extortion, Forced Cohabitation, M/M, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Pheromones, Tension, Uncomfortable Intimacy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-24
Updated: 2020-01-28
Packaged: 2020-05-18 15:57:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19337770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tcharlatan/pseuds/Tcharlatan
Summary: Kaoru witnesses something not meant to be seen, and ends up paying a greater price than he could have ever imagined.(AU - no prior familiarity with characters necessary)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> "There are poisons that blind you, and poisons that open your eyes." ~August Strindberg

Kaoru watched his own hands as they stroked, slowly but firmly, along the other man’s thigh. Grey-violet eyes were half hooded as they followed the motion of his fingers, taking in the press and flex of each pale gold digit as they worked. With every due sense of modesty, he knew himself to have exceptional hands; slender, like the rest of him, but deceptively strong and uncommonly skilled. As his fingertips traced up and down, they felt out minute knots of tension within the muscles, and each new one he came across, he set to working loose with deliberate pressure from both thumbs. Some spots were deeper, or more stubborn than others, but eventually they all melted under his ministrations. In this manner, he had felt and manipulated nearly every square inch of the body in front of him.

There was something almost meditative about the way he worked. His whole body rocked with his hands’ movements, gentle flute and drum music setting the rhythm of his strokes, his breathing, even regulating the beat of his heart. It felt like a slow tide moving through him. Every aspect of his presence, down to his clothing - a high necked crop top and a double slit skirt over leggings, all mute black - allowed him to be a part of the serenity of this room, and make it part of himself.

After a time, there was a subtle shift in the music, and it signaled Kaoru to move his gaze higher, to the tent that had been slowly growing under the towel draped over the other man’s hips. Without breaking his rhythm, he dipped the fingertips of his right hand into the little pot of jasmine-scented oil next to him, then slipped it underneath the towel, seeking and finding the hardening shaft hidden there. One by one, his fingers wrapped around the heated flesh until it filled his fist, and the same skilled touch that had eased out the stress and tensions of the rest of the man’s body set to work on drawing out another form of release.

Strictly speaking, he didn’t need to see what he was doing. Didn’t need to see his thumb tease at the weeping, sensitive slit, or the soft pads of his fingers rub the veins along the underside through the sliding sheath of the foreskin as he pumped firmly up and down. Everything he needed to know, every shift and tug and stroke he needed to apply to provide the most pleasure, he found by touch alone. But still, his eyes stayed fixated on the shifting fabric concealing his work. His gaze demure, yet heated. Focused. As he slid his other hand under the towel, gripping the throbbing member by the base and stabilizing it for more fervent pumping, he allowed his thin lips to part, and heard the other man suck in a sharp breath in response. The man was watching him.

Kaoru didn’t rush anything along, but nor did he draw it out unnecessarily. This was about pure release; no more or less. He kept his strokes matched to the beat of the music, until he felt the man’s hips begin to flex involuntarily, then sped up to match the half-beat. When he felt a telltale shift in tension, he shifted his grip and slowed accordingly, firmly milking out every last drop of cum with sure motions.

When the man on the table was thoroughly spent, fully relaxed from head to toe, Kaoru eased his hands out from under the towel, and bowed slightly. Keeping his voice soft so as to not break the ambiance of the room, he gestured to a nearby side table with a clock and a small basket, and recited his usual litany. “The room is yours until the end of the hour; please feel free to relax until then. There are warm towels in the basket if you’d like to clean up. Thank you for allowing me to serve you today, Mr. Murata. I look forward to our next session.”

As he retreated to the adjoined supply closet that served as his preparation room, shutting the door quietly behind himself, he mused silently,  _ ‘And really, I suppose that’s not  _ **_entirely_ ** _ customer service bullshit. There’s worse than Murata.’ _

He washed his hands in the small sink, rubbing away the coating of massage oil, sweat, and cum as he pondered his last client of the evening. Murata was just about the ideal subject as far as Kaoru was concerned. Reasonably fit - and reliably clean - he was nice enough to touch, and his beta scent was entirely inoffensive. He never grabbed at Kaoru or tried to coerce (or force) him into anything further, never asked for his personal number or for a date. Kaoru never needed to coo and gasp and compliment his dick to get him off. Just a calm, quiet man who showed up on time for his appointments, passively enjoyed his massage and handjob, and left when his time was up. It was just about as pleasant an end to a work shift as one could hope for.

_ ‘Yeah… plenty way worse than him.’ _

Bending close to the mirror over the sink, Kaoru carefully took out his lavender contact lenses, revealing the dark chocolate irises underneath. He pulled his plastic-rimmed glasses out of their protective case and slid them up his nose, then gathered shoulder-length black hair up into a messy bun high on the back of his head. Eyeing his reflection, he turned his face from side to side a bit to check himself over. The light touch of smokey eyeshadow and lip gloss, he’d wash away when he got home. A little bit of makeup was nice sometimes, he thought, to soften the more severe angles of his face. He wasn’t always entirely fond of the thinness of his cheeks, the height of his cheekbones, or the narrow almond shape of his eyes. He packed away his contacts case and hairbrush, slung on his messenger bag, and stood back from the sink. Now all he had to do was wait for Murata to clear out of his room, then he could take care of the last few bits of cleanup and head home for the night.

He wished, not for the first time, that he got better cell phone service in the downstairs areas of the massage parlor. His boss had no interest in providing Wi-Fi either. It made for some boring downtime while he waited out his clients’ afterglow periods.

As he waited, his mind drifted back to his work again, and he frowned a bit. For all of Murata’s better qualities, Kaoru didn’t usually savor the touch of a client’s skin or the scent of their arousal quite as much as he noticed he had tonight. It hadn’t been too distracting with his earlier appointments, but it had ramped up noticeably as his shift wore on, peaking with his last service. He had maintained his professionalism, of course, and was certain he hadn’t given any signs of untoward interest that Murata might misinterpret, but it was a clear sign that he was going to have to be careful for the next couple of weeks.

_ ‘Well, it’s, what… almost September now? I guess I  _ **_am_ ** _ about due for pre-heat… Ugh.’ _

Unfortunately, there wasn’t much he could do to manage the impulsiveness and tendency toward poor choices that came with the biannual tide of mating hormones. At least, not on his budget. And that budget was about to get even tighter, when he took two weeks off of work to seclude himself and deal with his heat. Turning to the little shelf of essential oils he mixed into his massage oils, he selected a vial of lavender and dabbed a drop onto his fingertip. A bit of fragrance under his nose usually masked other people’s scents, and would help him stay focused for the first few days of pre-heat at least.

Before he could apply the oil, though, a dull thud from his massage room caught his attention. He stood very still, watching the closed door, until two more thuds sounded, increasing each time in volume. Thin brows drew together in concern. It wasn’t like Murata to be so noisy.

Opening the closet door slowly, in case the interruption was unwelcome, Kaoru called out, “Mr. Murata? Are you okay? I heard-”

The first thing Kaoru saw, and what froze his words in his throat, was Murata’s face. He realized, somewhat absurdly, that in all of the sessions he’d had with the man, he’d never actually looked at his client’s face before. Plain features, dark brown hair and eyes, clean shaven, cheeks going soft with middle age. Entirely average. But now, as he watched, Murata’s skin was going from dark red to purple, his eyes were bloodshot and bulging and terrified, his open mouth gaping uselessly for breath he couldn’t draw. He was on his knees, both hands clawing at the narrow rope wrapped tight around his throat, unable to get any sort of grip on it but mindlessly fighting it anyway, until he reached out one to Kaoru in a desperate plea.

But Kaoru couldn’t think of how to help. All he could do was stand, petrified, his frantic eyes searching helplessly for some explanation or solution and finding only pointless details. Murata’s loose tie, his shirt still untucked, his pants still unfastened. His suit jacket and briefcase next to the used towels on the table. A candle that had been knocked over on a side table, deep red wax spilling out and dripping onto the floor. Nothing that gave him any clue why this was happening or how to stop it. An acerbic smell was flooding the room, stinging at Kaoru’s sinuses. Pure, unadulterated fear.

Almost in spite of himself, some morbid curiosity pulled his helpless gaze back to the rope around Murata’s neck, and to the hands holding it cinched tight. There was a butterfly tattooed on the back of one, the flex of its hard grip almost giving the vibrant blue wings life. He followed an arm up to the shoulder. The intruder was wearing a crisp black suit that probably would have been entirely nondescript, had it been tailored to a less strikingly predatory form. From there, he trailed up to the neck. The top edge of a tattoo peeked out of the starched collar of his shirt. Finally, his stare settled on the murderer’s face, and felt a fresh jolt of terror when he realized the grey eyes of the man garroting his client were now fixed firmly on him.

Long, ash brown hair was pulled back into a ponytail, exposing vulpine features: high cheekbones, arched brows, a perfectly straight nose, and a full, curved mouth with a silver ball labret piercing. And nothing about that face demonstrated any manner of distress or even particular concern with the fact that he was in the process of committing murder.

 Kaoru didn’t breathe -  _ couldn’t  _ breathe - almost in some bizarre sort of sympathy for Murata as his client’s struggles slowed to a stop. Clawing hands fell limp, bulging eyes went vacant and unseeing, and all of the frenetic tension bled out of the body that Kaoru had so recently serviced. The intruder held his rope tight for another moment after that horrible stillness set in, before letting go and allowing his victim to collapse to the floor.

It was the sound of Murata’s skull hitting the wood floor with a sickeningly final _thud_ that jolted Kaoru out of his paralysis.

“Fuck!”

He lunged for the door that led to the hallway, to escape or call for help or find safety with the other people working or something,  _ anything _ that got him out of the enclosed space with a murderer. His fingers just brushed the knob before he was grabbed hard by the shoulder and spun away from the exit. He tried to jerk back, mouth opening to cry out, but a large hand clamped around his neck and slammed him back into the wall, cutting off his airways abruptly.

“Do. Not. Scream,” the intruder growled, looming over Kaoru and trapping his terrified gaze with a deadly stare. His voice was low, but strong and chillingly smooth. “If you scream, I’m going to have to kill you  _ and  _ whoever comes to help you. Understand?”

Kaoru nodded as much as he could, clutching instinctively at the hand strangling him even with no hope of being able to dislodge it. The intruder squeezed a little harder in one last warning, then loosened his crushing grip just enough to allow Kaoru to somewhat breathe again. He sucked in a deep breath and his knees almost went weak beneath him as he was flooded with the man’s scent. Something like freshly cut cypress wood, rain-soaked stone, and the telltale metallic note of an-

_ ‘Alpha…?! Ssshit!’ _

“Please-!” he gasped, “Please don’t-!”

The intruder was unphased by his plea. “Who are you? Who do you work for?”

“W-work? I work for- Mr. Amano! I work here!”

“...You’re the  _ masseur _ ?”

“Yes! Please-”

“The hell are you doing in the closet? You were supposed to be gone by now.”

“I-I don’t-… I still had to clean up? It’s just- it’s just that I keep my stuff- in there, so it’s easier to- wait there for clients to leave! I’m sorry I s-saw-… Please don’t kill me! I’ll do anything you want- just please, please don’t-”

The alpha’s eyes narrowed, he was leaning in closer, and if not for the grip on his neck, Kaoru was fairly certain he’d be submitting under the force of the taller man’s scrutiny. The instinct to drop to his knees and bare his neck was almost overwhelming. It didn’t immediately occur to him to be worried about why the intruder was sniffing the air between them.

“...Are you…”

“Please don’t kill me!”

“-an  _ omega? _ ”

Kaoru couldn’t process the question immediately. It was hard to think. Whether it was due to the sheer terror, the limited oxygen, or the invasive alpha scent, his entire mind had gone to useless screaming static. The man released his grip on Kaoru’s neck entirely after a moment, and he sagged hard against the wall, curling to one side partially out of pure fear, partially to find clearer air as he gasped to regain his breath. It didn’t help much. The alpha was still standing too close, and preheat had him too sensitive to scent to escape it.

“You are, aren’t you.” It wasn’t a question that time, though the intruder’s voice had taken on a tone of intrigue. “Are you using hormone suppressants or deodorant?”

Kaoru swallowed, rubbing his sore throat. This was not a safe line of questioning, but if it meant his life was spared for the moment… “Deodorant.” And didn’t he wish he could afford the suppressants? They’d still be keeping his pheromones under control, for one, rather than breaking down under the force of his fear sweat as his deodorant was.

Whatever the alpha was going to say next was interrupted then by a soft chime to one side, causing him to turn to look for the sound’s source and nearly startling Kaoru straight out of his skin. It was the clock on the side table.

“What’s that for?” the alpha asked.

“It’s… it’s a five minute alarm, to let-”

_ ‘Oh gods, Mr. Murata…’ _

“-to let the client know his time is almost up.”

“Tch. Alright.” The intruder reached out then, catching Kaoru by the chin this time and pulling the flinching masseur to face him again. “You are going to finish your shift  _ exactly _ how you normally would. Clean up your room, say goodbye to your coworkers, clock out; whatever you do usually do, like it’s any other night. You are  _ not _ going to inconvenience me by telling anyone about what you saw here or calling the police. Understand?”

Kaoru nodded shakily, trying not to wither completely under the threat in the man’s voice.

“Say it.”

“I-I understand! I won’t say anything, I swear!”

The alpha’s mouth pulled into a smirk, and he patted Kaoru’s cheek twice before turning back to his work. Kaoru stayed pressed against the wall, heart pounding, as he tossed Mr. Murata’s corpse over his shoulder with a grunt and grabbed the man’s discarded jacket and briefcase. He opened the door a crack and leaned his head out to peer down to both ends of the hallway, then flashed Kaoru a wink before easing out of the room, shutting the door quietly behind himself. Only when the latch clicked shut did Kaoru feel the rigid panic in his legs release. He slid down to the floor, clamping both hands over his mouth and trying not to break into hysterical sobbing.

_ ‘Fuck… oh fuck… oh Jesus fuck, Mr. Murata… fuck, fuck, fuck!’ _

He keened long and high into his hands, then lowered them to press his palms to the floor, taking deep, shaking breaths through his mouth until he was nearly hyperventilating. Every inhale felt devoid of oxygen, carrying only the smells of cypress, stone, and alpha, tainted with the acrid scent of Murata’s fear. With every exhale, he thought he might black out.

“Hah…”

When he blinked, he saw the trail of spittle drip from the gaping mouth and the bulging eyes.  

“Hah…”

When he swallowed, he heard the click of a cinched throat fighting for breath, the thunk of a skull hitting the floor.

“Hah-!”

Again and again, over and over in a loop, his mind replayed Murata’s murder until he swore he could feel the rope around his own sore neck. It was a good while before he could do anything else. He had never seen that kind of violence outside a movie or video game, had never experienced anything even close to it in his twenty-five years of life. He had no point of reference for how to process it. Something - a tear, a bead of terror sweat, a drip of saliva - splashed softly onto the floor beneath his face.

Eventually, one thought managed to bubble up through the haze.

_ ‘Out. I have to get out of here.’ _

It gave him something to latch on to.

He wanted, more than anything, to just run out of the room and never turn back, but somehow he couldn’t imagine disobeying the murderer’s instructions, even in his absence. Lurching to his feet, he set to collecting all of his used towels into a small hamper. When he went to put the top back on his bottle of massage oil, his hands shook so badly he nearly dropped it, and misthreaded it twice. He disinfected his table, reset his music player and clock, blew out all remaining candles. Some small part of him recognized the absurdity of what he was doing, but there was some mindless comfort to restoring his workspace.

He tried to clean up as much of the wax spilled from the toppled candle as possible, but some of it had congealed into the floor mats, and that mess was beyond his problem solving capabilities in that moment. It was the only visible sign that anything out of the ordinary had occurred. Snatching up his hamper and clutching it to his chest, he braced himself for the next step. He leaned slowly out into the hall, half expecting to be assaulted the second he opened the door.

There was no one in sight or hearing.

Trying not to walk too fast, trying not to look as horrified as he felt, trying not to do anything that might give away what he’d just been a witness to, he went to the far end of the hall to the wash room. He stuffed his towels into the washer, dumped in entirely too much detergent, and scurried back out into the hall again to head for the main exit. It was harder to fake the calm facade through the front room, where Mr. Amano sat waiting to check clients in and out between pages of murder mystery novels. Kaoru forced a smile and nod to the parlor owner, struggling to remember if that was how he usually said goodbye or the speed at which he usually walked, but luckily, the old beta hardly spared him a glance and a half-nod on his way past. Like it was a completely normal Wednesday night.

Clutching the strap of his messenger bag like a lifeline, Kaoru pushed through the parlor’s front door and stepped out into the narrow alleyway with a relieved sigh.

_ ‘It’s over… I’m alive, and it’s over.’ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cripes. Been a hot minute since I wrote anything. Trying to remember how it works.
> 
> This is a work of pure fiction. I do not personally know any of the members of Dir en grey or Penicillin, and do not profit from this work.


	2. Chapter 2

The next day was a torturous gauntlet that stretched every last one of Kaoru’s nerves to their last frayed threads. When he’d gotten home the night before, he’d set himself immediately to drinking every drop of alcohol he could get his hands on, through vertigo and sickness, until he’d passed out on his bathroom floor. It was the only thing he could think of to get the memories of Murata’s murder out of his head, even temporarily. But it meant that, since he absolutely could not afford to miss any work, he had to go into his shift hungover and exhausted, in addition to traumatized.

And it was impossible to sink into his usual meditative state to escape those miseries. The spilled splotch of red wax on his rug kept reminding him that it wasn’t a nightmare; he’d witnessed one of his regular clients being murdered in this very room, and had been threatened into silence. It had happened, it was real, no matter how unbelievable it seemed. Twice, in the spaces between clients, he’d thought to call the police to report what he’d seen. But the idea of even taking out his phone made him physically sick with fear, for his life and his livelihood. Even if the police could somehow track down the killer and put him away, would they overlook Kaoru’s profession? It wouldn’t take all that much digging to reveal the “extra services” the massage parlor offered.

What if they found out what he was, and didn’t believe him about the murder?

What if the killer found out he’d talked and murdered him before the police could stop him?

No, it was better to keep his silence. Safer.

“You fucking coward…” he whispered to his wan reflection, leaning heavily on the sink.

Fear and shock had made some room in his heart over the course of the day, allowing guilt to set in. He didn’t know why Murata had been killed, but he couldn’t imagine the man had done anything to deserve it. He’d been such a quiet, unobtrusive client, once a week for almost two years. A good man, by any metric he had access to. And Kaoru had done nothing - absolutely _nothing -_ to help him. Hadn’t lifted so much as a finger to save him from being garroted, or to bring him justice for it. Just watched him die and cleaned up afterwards.

Groaning softly, Kaoru leaned down and pressed his forehead to the cool porcelain of the sink. His bones felt like they were rusting inside of him. Thankfully, as fraught and hellish as his shift had been, it was all internal; there were no trouble clients that darkened his doorstep today. He didn’t think he could have handled any more stressors. When he heard the sound of his workroom door opening, and then closing, he hesitated for several minutes before starting his cleaning routine, as he had after each of his clients that day.

It wasn’t at all lost on him that a lot of suffering on his end could have been avoided if he’d just stayed in his prep room when he’d heard the sounds of a struggle. A thought that increased his guilt by some measure, but also slowed his hand when it came to leaving the safety of that little closet.

He still didn’t know what to do to get the wax out of the carpet.

As eager as he was to get home and rest, he was too exhausted to rush for the exit when he was done. He did remember, just barely, to stop and tell Mr. Amano, “I can finish out my shifts through Sunday, but then I need to take my two weeks.”

Amano was aware that Kaoru was an omega, and had some vague knowledge of when to expect his heat cycles, so he wasn’t particularly surprised or upset by the information. Certainly not enough to look up from his most recent novel. He simply waved a hand and made a vague noise of acknowledgement. Kaoru was reasonably sure that his schedule would be seen to the next time his boss reached a decent stopping point, but he would probably do well to check in again the next day, just to be certain. As much as he didn’t _love_  his job, and despite the trauma of the previous evening’s events, he was good at what he did and very much settled into it. He didn’t want to have to deal with finding a new job.

_‘Like I need another thing to worry about…’_

When he stepped out of the parlor doors, the midnight air, just crisped by the onset of fall, was a soothing balm on his worn nerves. Breathing deep, he walked to the end of the alley and climbed the cement staircase leading up to the street. It must have rained or fogged heavily earlier; the metal railing was dripping wet. It felt pleasantly refreshing on his hand. At the top of the stairs, he got three steps out onto the sidewalk before he’d lifted his head enough to notice the sleek black car parked on the side of the road directly in front of him.

Leaning against that car, smoking a cigarette and oozing confidence just as much as tobacco smoke, was the man who’d murdered his client the night before.

Out in public, calm and casual like he didn’t have a care in the world.

Kaoru’s feet scuffed on the sidewalk as he came to an abrupt stop, eyes wide. The alpha smirked and opened the passenger door next to him.

“Get in.”

Kaoru took half a step backwards, heart pounding, every instinct in him screaming to run away.

The alpha’s eyes narrowed slightly as he took a lazy drag off his cigarette. His voice was just a touch colder when he warned, “You run now, the only place you’re going to get is onto my bad side.”

The warning hit him in the chest like a physical blow. Kaoru voice shook badly as he whispered, pleading, “But, I didn’t… I didn’t tell anyone, or… or call the police, or… I did what you said! Please, I did what you said, I swear!”

Straight, white teeth flashed in a sly grin. “Smart boy. Get in.”

Helplessly, Kaoru looked down the street in both directions, searching for anyone who could help him, or at least tell the police who he’d last been seen with when his body showed up in a ditch the next morning. The neighborhood was usually quiet, but now the entire block was devoid of life in a way that seemed almost surreal, it was so perfectly isolated. There would be no help for him, no escape. All he could do was obey the murderer, and pray he could somehow come out of whatever the man had planned in one piece. Slowly, wide eyes lowered with shock and fear, he walked over to the car and slid into the passenger seat.

The alpha dropped the rest of his cigarette and ground it out under his shoe before shutting the door and crossing around to the other side of the car. Kaoru shrank into the seat as much as possible, clutching his bag tightly as the man settled into the driver’s seat and started the engine.

“Where do you live?”

_‘Oh gods…’_

“P-Please, I…”

The alpha just watched him expectantly, so Kaoru numbly recited his address, and they pulled out into the street. A song he knew and had enjoyed at one point was playing on the radio, but the situation was bizarre enough that the music only seemed to add to the tension rather than ease it.

“What’s your name?”

“Niik-” Kaoru’s voice cracked and he had to swallow before trying again, “Niikura. Kaoru.”

“Kaoru. How old are you, Kaoru?”

Something about hearing his own name in the man’s voice made him shiver. He wished he could open a window; he was beginning to feel the effects of the alpha’s scent again. “…Twenty-five.”

“Mated? Dating?”

“N-… no.”

“Hmm.”

There was a stretch of silence, then, and Kaoru glanced out the window, watching the seedy district where he worked transition to the slightly seedier district where he lived. On impulse, he opened his mouth and started, “Wha-…”

But hesitated. Maybe it was a bad idea to speak out of turn? Maybe it was a bad idea to engage at all, maybe it was better to know as little as possible? But he thought he remembered from a crime show he’d watched once that it was helpful to try to connect to a kidnapper, so they might be less likely to kill you. Was this really a kidnapping, though? It wasn’t as though Kaoru was likely to be ransomed. He wasn’t sure. He wanted to do something to ensure his survival, and pleading obviously had no effect, but it seemed risky to do much of anything else.

“Yes?” the alpha prompted after a moment. Kaoru thought he heard amusement in his voice.

“What’s yours? Name, I mean…?”

“Hakuei. A pleasure to meet you.”

Kaoru just nodded and held his tongue. It was impossible to tell if the levity in the murderer’s voice - _Hakuei’s_ voice- was a good sign or a bad one. When they pulled into an open space on the street in front of his apartment building, Kaoru acknowledged the sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach that said one way or another, he wasn’t coming out of this encounter unscathed. Hakuei got out, crossed around, and opened the door for him. He stepped out slowly and flinched when he heard the car door shut behind him.

“What are you going to do to me?” he heard himself ask softly.

“Haven’t decided,” was Hakuei’s easy answer.

Kaoru couldn’t think what to say to that, so he just walked to the base of his apartment stairs and started climbing. Hakuei followed behind him like a specter; as hyperactive as all of his senses were then, Kaoru couldn’t hear so much as a whisper of the man’s clothing. Up to the top floor, and down to the end of the walkway, they didn’t exchange so much as a word. Kaoru dug his keys out of his bag, and unlocked his door with a shaking hand. A hand on the small of his back prompted him to walk in first, and Hakuei followed, shutting and locking the door behind them as Kaoru toed off his shoes by pure habit.

“Take off your clothes.”

It was like he’d been punched in the gut, the air went out of him so thoroughly. Kaoru had been born an omega, warned before he even hit puberty that he would walk through life as prey. He had been working in an illicit massage parlor for a number of years, where his clientele were already committing a minor crime and as such, weren’t always so reluctant to commit another. He should have known that this much, at least, _had_  been decided. Numbly, without turning around to face the alpha, he peeled his shirt up and over his head. The soft rustle of the garment hitting the floor, followed shortly by his skirt pants, was the only sound between them. After a moment of hesitation, with no interruption or further instruction, he stripped off his underwear as well, until he stood nude.

Warm fingertips touched his lower back, and he sucked in a shuddering breath.

Kaoru was on the slender side, but he wasn’t exactly waifish, and he wasn’t short. Really, at a hair over five and a half feet tall, he was perfectly average for an omega. And Hakuei was certainly taller, but not unusually so; probably right around six feet if he were to guess. But somehow, with the alpha prowling around him, grey eyes taking in every square inch of his bared body, Kaoru felt absolutely _tiny_. There was nowhere to run. There was no way to fight. He felt like a songbird in the tightening coils of a snake, just waiting to be consumed.

He clenched his fists, kept his eyes low, and tried to ignore the hand coming to a rest on his hip.

“Go take a shower.”

Kaoru flinched a little at the voice, startled.

“And skip the deodorant and perfumes.”

That wasn’t what he’d been expecting. It was like being braced for an impact that didn’t land. But what else could he do? He walked stiffly to his bathroom, shut the door quietly behind himself, and turned on the shower faucet. His glasses and hair tie, he set on the counter by the sink. As the water heated up, he felt his throat begin to tighten, and when he stepped into the stall, all of the strain of the past two days burst out like a collapsing dam. Tears welled up hard and fast enough to physically pain his eyes. His breath came in shallow pants and he slumped against the wall as his legs threatened to give out. He’d seen a man murdered, been choked and threatened, he was tired and hungry and sick from being hungover all day, and now the man that had caused it all was _toying_ with him?

_‘Before he… what?’_

_‘Rapes me?’_

_‘Kills me?’_

_‘It’s not enough…?!’_

_‘He has to_ **_**play** _ ** _with me first?!’_

It was all too much, and the solitude of the shower broke through any effort he might have made to remain stoic. He sobbed under the fall of warm water, clutching at his hair and sliding to the floor until he was curled in a small heap. Sobbed until his chest ached and his eyes stung and his arms and legs shook with fatigue. Until he had nothing left but the dull throb of dread sickness.

By the time he had the strength to stand and wash, the water had begun to cool. He continued to rinse until it was fully cold before finally turning the faucet off. The chill on his skin helped, somehow. He toweled off, brushed his hair out, and after a moment’s consideration, put his glasses back on. Knowing that it was a completely futile effort, he also pulled on his bathrobe and tied the sash tight around his waist. Not wanting to go out and face Hakuei, but wanting even less for the alpha to get impatient and come after him in the bathroom, he finally worked up the nerve to open the door and step back out into his living space.

It was… surreal.

Kaoru did not keep his studio apartment particularly neat or tidy. Countless dozens of his sketches, drawings, and his few paintings covered most of the available wall space, spotted here and there with posters, and his video games and magazines were kept in heaps on the shelf and floor next to his small television. There were more than a few empty beer bottles on his little coffee table from his binge the previous night. His bed was a sloppy pile of blankets, his drawing desk drawn up close to the foot of it because he didn’t have another chair. It wasn’t as though he left food messes or other unsanitary things around - his kitchen was kept fairly clean and his trash bins were emptied regularly - but his home was very much lived in.

Amid this chaotic nest, Hakuei stood out like a splash of blood on white tile. He’d been standing near the hallway that led to the kitchen and entryway, casually perusing the artwork covering one wall, but even with his jacket and tie removed and his shirtsleeves rolled up over his elbows, he looked too crisp, too predatory to be real. Kaoru fidgeted with his sleeve cuff and took a couple small steps further into the room.

“Did you do all of these?” Hakuei asked.

Kaoru nodded, but the other man wasn’t looking at him yet, so he added, “Yeah.”

“Hm.”

Hakuei turned around then and strode over to Kaoru. He eyed the bathrobe with a wry smirk, but didn’t say anything about it. Kaoru backed away from him, raising his hands defensively when he started getting uncomfortably close, pressing back into the wall and shrinking into himself when he ran out of room, but Hakuei didn’t stop until he was mere inches away. The alpha lifted one hand, stroking Kaoru’s cheek and tucking a damp lock of hair behind his ear before sliding it around to the back of his neck.

Kaoru cringed, abruptly worried that the man was going to grab him by the scruff of his neck, triggering the nerve cluster there that would immobilize him and seep endorphins into his system. He knew that omegas all responded a bit differently to being scruffed, but someone had done it to him once in high school, and it had been horrifyingly effective on him. He already felt completely weak to Hakuei; he didn’t know if he could stand that kind of… intimate vulnerability.

“Y-you don’t… you don’t have to…” he whispered, not fully certain what he was going to say. Odds seemed low his words would have any effect anyways.

“Hush,” Hakuei murmured.

But he didn’t scruff Kaoru. He only rubbed the area with his fingertips, enough to send a soft tide of warmth and peace through the omega, without fully paralyzing him. Kaoru heard a quiet whine escape his own lips at the sensation, struggling to keep his wits intact. His hands lowered from their defensive position to rest on the alpha’s chest, all of the tensed-up muscles in his body slowly loosening. Hakuei’s touch was warm, and his scent was intoxicating even through the fear. It was making him want to submit again.

“ _There_  it is…” Hakuei said, his mouth hovering just over Kaoru’s right ear. “Kaoru… whoever named you was fucking prophet.”

Kaoru shivered at the man’s voice so close to him. He realized, belatedly, that Hakuei was manipulating his scruff to get him to release more pheromones following his shower, to catch his scent.

“Who’d have thought I’d find such a treasure in that little shithole?”

“I don’t…” Kaoru mumbled, eyelids fluttering in spite of his fear, “I…”

“You said you’d do anything, right? Anything I want?”

It took Kaoru a moment to process the question, before he vaguely remembered his pleading to the alpha the night before, just after he witnessed his client’s murder. Remembered pleading for his life. He swallowed thickly and nodded.

“Alright. I want… let’s call it three heats.”

Kaoru blinked muzzily, then jerked his gaze up the meet the alpha’s, shocked, when the words sank in. “What?!”

“Until the end of your third heat from now, I want you to be mine. My omega. I’d guess you’re right about to start one, so that should be just a little over a year.”

Kaoru could only gape at him, his hormone- and fear-fried brain just buzzing uselessly. It was a mind-boggling demand, even if he had been capable of thinking clearly.

“ _Three…_?”

_‘I… I said anything…’_

“Three.”

_‘He smells_ **_**so** _ ** _…’_

Hakuei pressed in closer, fitting their bodies tightly together and nosing at the top of Kaoru’s ear.

_‘But he…’_

“Will you do it?”

_‘I can’t-…’_

“Will you be mine, Kaoru?”

_‘An entire year…’_

Kaoru inhaled deeply, melting into the alpha’s scent and heat and dominance.

“...Yes.”

It whispered out of him of its own accord. Hakuei gave a faint sound of satisfaction, and sealed the dirty deal with a firm kiss. Kaoru was far beyond the presence of mind to resist the press of curved lips against his own, only absorbing the sensation of it with a distant feeling of wonder. It wasn’t until the hand left of the back of his neck and the taller man stepped out of his immediate bubble that the omega was able to blink out of his stupor. He remained slumped against the wall, dazed, as Hakuei chuckled and walked back towards the kitchen.

“How the hell did you ever pass for a beta?” the alpha called over his shoulder.

Kaoru swallowed and pressed the back of one hand to his mouth, faintly tasting the other man and fighting the urge to lick his lips clean. He could feel his face and ears turning red as he realized how he was reacting, what he’d just agreed to. Granted, he’d probably have been forced to submit to Hakuei’s wishes regardless, and he _had_  promised to do whatever the man wanted in exchange for letting him live, but it should have been much harder to give that “yes.” His susceptibility to alpha pheromones and scruffing had been a source of embarrassing moments in the past, but this was on a whole new level. Hakuei came back into the living area with a food delivery bag from a nearby all-hours burger restaurant, and a black duffle, both of which he must have acquired while Kaoru was showering.

“Or are you just _that_  close to your heat?”

Kaoru grimaced and tried to hide his humiliation. “I-… I’m not usually that close to alphas.”

Hakuei paused midway through the process of unloading wrapped food and fry boxes on the coffee table, one eyebrow arched. “Don’t tell me you’re a virgin?”

Kaoru blushed darker red and looked away. The smell of food was reminding him of how hungry he was, which, thankfully, made it a hair easier to break his hyperfocus on the alpha. “Of course not!”

“So you’ve been with an alpha?”

“Well… no…”

“Ha! Have you even had sex outside of a heat?”

“S-…sort of…”

“Then you’re practically a virgin. A beta dick during a heat is hardly more than a dildo with a pulse. Come and eat dinner.”

Kaoru obliged, but his face remained heated. Hakuei wasn’t entirely wrong; he knew the heats he’d spent with company were a step up from the ones he’d spent alone, but ultimately he’d still been frustrated and unfulfilled. It wasn’t easy to hear though, particularly from the mouth of a stranger that was extorting a year of his life from him. A murderer, no less. He knelt next to his coffee table and unwrapped the food in front of him, finding a fully loaded cheeseburger alongside fries and a soda. He blinked at it, dumbstruck.

Hakuei was already eating, sitting next to the table as casually as if they were old friends. “You’re not a vegetarian or anything, are you? I forgot to ask before you went to shower.”

“No…”

It was probably what he would have picked for himself, which only served to make it more bizarre. He kept thinking he could see the threat that was coming for him, but every time he braced for it, it changed into something else. Yesterday, Hakuei was choking him and threatening to kill him and his coworkers. Just an hour ago, Kaoru was certain he was about to be raped and murdered. Now the alpha was feeding him and asking about dietary restrictions?

_‘I don’t even know what to be afraid of now…’_

He ate slowly, not certain what to do or say around Hakuei other than what the alpha had told him to do. When they were both finished with their food, he watched Hakuei stand, stretch lazily, and then pick up his black duffle bag and take it into the bathroom. Robotically, he picked up the trash from dinner, as well as the empty beer bottles from the previous night, and carried them all to the kitchen garbage. After that, he wasn’t sure what to do with himself, so he simply stood in the hallway trying to make sense of anything. Hakuei exited the bathroom after some time, and Kaoru found himself beet red again upon realizing the man was stripped down to his boxers. He averted his gaze quickly, catching only a glimpse of tattooed arms and shoulders, and a lean, powerful physique.

_‘Fuck…’_

“What do you normally wear to bed? That bathrobe?”

Kaoru rubbed his eyes and tried to focus. “Umm… just… just a shirt and boxers?”

That was a lie. He normally slept nude, or in boxers on very rare occasions, but if he could get away with a couple more layers between himself and whatever Hakuei had planned, he might be able to cling to his sanity just a little while longer. When he glanced over at the alpha, the smile on the man’s face told him he knew he was being lied to.

“Hm. Go ahead and get dressed then.”

Kaoru ducked his head and did as he was told. He dug a clean tee-shirt and fresh underwear out of his dresser and shut himself in the bathroom again to change into them. There was a foreign toothbrush in the cup next to his own, and a hairbrush on the counter, and a few bottles on the toiletries shelf. The ease with which Hakuei seemed to be fully inserting himself into Kaoru’s life was deeply unsettling. He took his time brushing his teeth, then splashed cool water on his face in a final attempt to calm himself down. By the time he stepped out, almost all of the lights were out and Hakuei was reclining on his bed, blanket up to his waist and folded open in an obvious indication of where Kaoru was intended to go. Still, he hesitated.

“Come here.”

The idea of sleeping next to the murderer - and, gods willing, that was all he had planned? - was as terrifyingly intimate as so many of the other things Hakuei had done that night. How could Kaoru go to him willingly? How could he have allowed any of the things he had already? His body had been almost completely impossible to control, and it was only going to get worse as his heat grew closer, as he spent more time under the influence of the alpha’s scent. A momentary spike of desperation pulled his gaze over to the down, down the short hallway to the front door.

_‘Maybe… maybe, if I could run fast enough…’_

“Kaoru. Come to bed.”

Clenching his hands tight, then loosening them in resignation, Kaoru made himself walk over to the bed. The surest safety he could hope for was in obedience, at least for now. Stiffly, he lowered himself onto the mattress, laying down with his back to the alpha. He’d have stayed curled on the very edge given his way, but Hakuei’s arm wrapped around his waist and drew him in closer until his back was pressed to the man’s chest, before pulling the blanket up over both of them. The bedside lamp clicked off, Hakuei settled down behind him, and the arm came back around him securely. With only one pillow for both of them, Kaoru could feel the alpha’s warm breath on his neck when he spoke.

“Goodnight.”

 


	3. Chapter 3

The place between sleep and wake was torturous.

Kaoru normally couldn’t sleep with any sort of light in the room, and had long since hung blackout curtains and covered any tiny lights that electronic devices might maintain. It meant that whether his eyes were opened or closed, all he saw was darkness, which was normally a comfort to him. On this night, though, it meant he was hyper-aware of every other sense that could still identify Hakuei behind him. His skin was sensitized nearly to the point of feeling raw everywhere that the other man’s body touched his own. He felt every breath, every heartbeat, against his back. The air itself seemed thickened by the alpha’s scent, even facing away from him.

But Kaoru was exhausted, physically and mentally, and all of him ached for sleep. Despite his tension and the pervasive dread of having a murderer in his bed with him, the darkness lulled him over and over again into a light doze. Each time, it seemed like only a split second before a shift or sigh behind him or a noise from outside startled him awake again - fists clenched in his sheets, heart pounding in his throat - but he couldn’t tell how much time had truly passed, or even truly be sure he’d slept at all.

Countless times, he wondered if Hakuei was a deep enough sleeper for him to sneak out and run away.

Countless times, he tried to build up the courage to slip out of the alpha’s arms.

Countless times, he found himself cowed by the uncertainty that Hakuei was asleep at all, or that he would remain asleep if Kaoru moved, or that a safe place even existed from such a predator.

Hakuei, warm and solid and unfathomable at his back, seemed to have no trouble whatsoever sleeping in a foreign bed with a stranger. Kaoru had yet to identify _anything_ that troubled the man. It was hard to challenge that kind of unflappable confidence. So he stayed perfectly still, just trying not to do anything to disturb Hakuei while drifting in and out of fitful sleep for a number of hours that was impossible to gauge. It did nothing to help his nerves or exhaustion, but it was all he could do.

Somewhere in that fraught, endless night, a light flared to life at the same instant a monstrous sort of growl or rattle sounded nearby. The suddenness and sharpness of it jolted Kaoru hard out of the semi-sleep he’d been drifting in, and his entire body spasmed awake in a surge of panic. He twisted, clawing at the bedsheet blindly, and would probably have fallen out of bed had it not been for the larger body rolling to not quite pin him down, but effectively cage him into place. He grabbed onto the arm pressing over him, trying to use its stability to orient his shock-scattered mind.

He heard a soft, “Shhh… easy…” into his right ear, before a quiet beep, and then, “Yes?”

 _‘A phone,’_ Kaoru realized, panting _, ‘It was Hakuei’s phone.’_

Slowly, shaking, he forced himself to relax back into the bed. It took a minute before he realized he was holding onto Hakuei’s arm, but he let go the instant he realized it, pressing his palm flat to the bed instead. His chest ached from the adrenalin spike after such a long night of anxiety, his heart pounding against his ribs.

“Yes,” Hakuei murmured into his phone, propping himself up on one elbow to look down at Kaoru. “When do you need it done?”

Kaoru wasn’t sure what to make of the alpha’s gaze; calm, searching but not as intense as it had been previous times. Like he was just… examining him? It unsettled him in a way he couldn’t identify, so he turned his head to hide more of his face in the pillow.

“I’ll take care of it.”

There was another quiet beep, and the sound of the phone being set back on the nightstand, before Hakuei’s body stretched out to its full length with a low groan. When he relaxed back from the stretch, the alpha wrapped himself tighter around Kaoru for a moment, nosing into his hair and inhaling deeply. Kaoru just held very, very still.

“Sorry to wake you. Duty calls.”

With that, Hakuei rose out of the bed. Kaoru stayed where he was, doing his absolute best not to think about what that phone call could have been about, or Hakuei’s job in general. He didn’t think he could handle any more strain in his thoughts. He heard a light switch click, then listened to the alpha move around the apartment, presumably getting ready for his day. A bag zipped, cloth rustled softly, water ran in the bathroom. He followed the sounds, but couldn’t bring himself to look out from the pillow to watch Hakuei so casually using his home.

Eventually, he felt the alpha’s presence near him again, and the mattress sank with the man’s weight sitting on the edge. A firm hand on his shoulder guided Kaoru to roll onto his back, and as much as he did not want to move from the relative safety of his curled position, he didn’t fight the push beyond stiffening.

“Do you work again today?” Hakuei asked, stroking Kaoru’s hair out of his face lightly.

Kaoru nodded slightly, only further uneased by the gentle touch.

“What time?”

“...S-,” his voice felt dry, cracking in his throat, “Six.”

“Hmm… what time are you off? After midnight again?”

Kaoru nodded again.

“Alright. I’ll pick you up when you’re done. Look at me.”

Kaoru squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, then forced his skittering gaze to meet Hakuei’s steady one. He did _not_  want to look at the taller man, but he was too afraid of what might happen if he disobeyed.

Hakuei held his chin with one firm hand, leaning close to say, “I know what you do for a living. And I _do not like it_.”

Kaoru stopped breathing, shrinking back into the bed some at the sternness in the man’s voice. He hadn’t even thought how the… “arrangement” might effect his professional life, but everything he knew about alphas said that he’d be lucky to keep a job at all once mated, let alone one that involved giving handjobs to strangers.  

‘ _But we’re not mated! He can’t-’_

“But, I wouldn’t deny you your livelihood, so I won’t ask you to quit. Just remember, no matter what happens there, for the next year, you are _mine._ Understood?”

Dark chocolate eyes widened at that. It should have registered as a threat, Kaoru knew, but something in the alpha’s tone brought heat to his cheeks and an unexpected tightness to his belly. He managed a little bit of a nod in response. Hakuei made a satisfied sound deep in his throat and leaned down to kiss Kaoru again, lingering this time, his hand sliding back to cradle the omega’s neck. Kaoru fought the sharp, urgent need to… do something. His hands wanted to grab and pull, or shove, or claw, or clutch. He wasn’t entirely sure. But even if he could figure out what he wanted, nothing good could come from pulling Hakuei closer or trying to fight him away, and the conflicted restlessness brought a soft murmur to his lips. The alpha swallowed the sound with a light swipe of his tongue.

“Mmm… sweet boy, you are gonna be a problem,” Hakuei purred when he broke away.

Kaoru let out a shaky exhale, “I…?”

The alpha rose from the bed then, strolling across the room and disappearing down the hallway. He returned a moment later, holding Kaoru’s messenger bag in one hand and rummaging through it with the other. Kaoru watched, stunned and dazed, as the man pulled out his phone and started tapping and swiping across the screen with his thumb.

“I’m putting my cell number in here. Text me if you get off of work early.”

The bag was set on the floor next to the bed, the phone was set on the bed next to the pillow, and one last kiss was pressed to Kaoru’s lips.

“I’ll see you tonight.”

With that, Hakuei turned and walked out of the apartment, and Kaoru could almost breathe again. It took a handful of minutes for his mind to clear, and when it did, all he could think to do was throw himself out of the bed, staggering across the apartment to slam the lock of his front door into place. From there, he rushed straight to the bathroom, stepping into the shower and turning the water on cold without even thinking of undressing. Under the jarringly chill spray, he pressed the back of one hand to his mouth.

His lack of revulsion when the Hakuei kissed him was terrifying. He could still feel the man’s full lips, his tongue, tingling like ghosts on his skin. His heat hadn’t even set in yet, and the idiot animal part of his brain that only cared about surviving and reproducing was already warming up to a murderer just because he _smelled nice_. His hands shook as he slathered far too much soap over himself, trying to chase away the alpha scent and the confusing, contradictory feelings it was causing him. He had to do something. He had to stop this before it went any further. By the time the water and suds had cleared the air sufficiently, his skin was sickly pale and covered in goosebumps from the cold, and his chest ached with sustained anxiety.

“Fuck,” he breathed into the water, scrubbing his hands over his face before finally stripping off his pajamas, letting them fall to the floor in a sodden, soapy heap. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, shit, _fuck!_ ”

He didn’t know if he was fully rinsed when he turned the water off, but it didn’t really occur to him to care. All he could think was that Hakuei’s back was turned, he could finally do what he’d wanted to do all night, and _run._  When he reached for the towel by habit, he found it already damp, and jerked his hand away as if physically stung by the realization that Hakuei must have used it when getting ready earlier. Too spun up, too tired, too flustered to think of the clean towels in the cabinet, he just rushed his way out of the bathroom and across the living space to his dresser dripping wet. His trunks and skirt pants stuck and dragged on his wet skin, but he forced them on and went digging for any shirt with a neck high enough to hide the bruises on his throat.

By the time he was fully dressed, his shirt very possibly backwards and his socks unmatched, his body quaked with the frenetic need to get out of his apartment. His phone - near dead, he hadn’t charged it overnight - got stuffed into his bag, he yanked on his shoes, and he was finally out the door. He took the hallway at a jog, and the stairs at a barely controlled fall that nearly sent him plummeting more than once, until he hit the sidewalk and had the space to break into an all-out run. He’d forgotten his glasses, so the people, sign posts, benches, trash cans in his path all blended into interchangeable blurry hurdles to be dodged around while maintaining as much speed as possible. Some he failed to dodge entirely, and ended up clipping obstacles hard with a hip or a shoulder on several occasions. Twice, he found himself in a crosswalk against the signal, with startled drivers honking at him as they slammed on their brakes to avoid hitting him.

It didn’t matter. Nothing else mattered, only running and putting as much space as he possibly could between himself and Hakuei’s turned back. After fighting down the urge to flee all night with a monster in his bed, and with the hot shame of his own meekness in the alpha’s presence burning through his insides, the relief of escape cut through even the exhaustion to keep him moving block after block.

_‘There’s no way I can control this! Can’t control him, can’t even control_ **_**myself** _ ** _around him!’_

_‘But he left! He left, and I can get away before he…’_ Kaoru shook his head, and stumbled has his shaking legs protested his attempt to run faster. _‘Oh gods, don’t think about that. Just run, gotta run. Get away. He left, so I have time to get away, I can go-…’_

He blinked. _‘I can go…?’_

He slowed to a jog. _‘Where am I going?’_

Slowed to a walk. _‘Where…_ ** _ **can**_** _I go?’_

Stopped.

_‘If I’m going to run… it has to be for good. If he finds me…’_

Panting, staring at the sidewalk in front of him, Kaoru tried to pull his scattered thoughts together. It was hard, even away from Hakuei’s looming form and oppressive pheromones, when dread and fatigue made it so tempting to just follow his instincts to run and hide. But where could he do that? Where would he be safe? Hakuei knew where he lived and worked; as soon as he realized Kaoru was trying to get out of their “deal,” neither would be remotely safe. If he could make it to Hyougo, he was sure his parents would take him in, but wouldn’t it be easy for Hakuei to track him there, knowing his last name? He couldn’t expose his family to a murderer, especially not one he broke his word to! Trying to stay with one of his friends was even riskier; they all lived in the same city as he did, it would never work long term.

And it wasn’t as though he could hide on the streets, not with his heat due to set in within the next couple days. Whatever evils Hakuei represented, being trapped out in the open in heat was every omega’s absolute worst nightmare. That was a big part of why he spent so much on an effective scent-blocker-

His eyes widened, breath hitching in his throat, _‘Oh gods… I forgot my deodorant!’_

Looking around himself, abruptly concerned about his location and surroundings, he found more than a few people very obviously trying not to stare at him. A boy walking past chirped, “Baba, what’s wrong with that man?” before his bearer could shush and hurry him along. Ducking his head to hide his face behind his damp hair, Kaoru huffed a short sigh of relief that there didn’t appear to be any alphas in his immediate vicinity and started speedwalking again, this time with more direction. His wild run had been through familiar enough territory that he had some idea where he was, at least.

_‘Fuck! Fucking heat, fucking alphas, fucking-’_

His flight could have run him straight into even more danger than what he was trying to escape! No matter what he did later, he had to get to a drugstore immediately, and avoid other people as much as humanly possible on the way. Some irrational part of his brain raged at the unfairness that his normal, everyday perils could still be a problem when he was struggling to deal with the fresh new horrors that Hakuei introduced to his life.

 _‘I don’t have time for this! There’s no time to find a place to run, no time for_ ** _ **anything!**_** ’

The bells over the glass door were jarring as he pushed his way into the nearest pharmacy. Trying to keep his head down, trying to keep his shoulders from hunching defensively and potentially calling more attention to himself, he made his way to the hygiene aisle and fumbled for a bottle of the specialty deodorant with shaking hands. He could feel other people’s gazes on him and shied away from them, taking a circuitous route to the cashier to avoid sharing an aisle with anyone else.

_‘But what else is there!? I can’t fight him, I have nothing to bribe him with, can’t go to the cops! If I can’t run from him, all that’s left is…’_

Even without his glasses, the bright red box with bold white text on the bottom shelf caught his eye and brought him to a stop once more. He could feel his heart thumping in his chest, sore and spent, as he eyed the product.

_‘All that’s left is… what I’ve always done.’_

Slowly, carefully, he picked up the first box in the neat little row. Given a chance to think on it, he would have reconsidered. It was utterly ridiculous, after all; inconceivable by any metric he’d normally apply. But he didn’t give himself the time to second guess the impulse, spinning on one heel and continuing to the cash registers. He placed his selections on the counter without looking at the cashier, numbly handing over the money requested, and accepting the bag in return.

_‘Whatever it takes to survive...’_

From his messenger bag, his phone managed to get halfway through his work alarm before the battery gave out and began powering down. He ducked into an alley by the drug store to apply the deodorant. If he had a heavier hand with the product than usual, well, desperate times called for desperate measures. With a stiff, unsteady stride and a jagged sort of resolve squeezing his chest, he set off to catch the next bus across town to the massage parlor, one hand tightly clenched around the bag containing his bottle of scent-blocker and box of rat poison.

 


	4. Chapter 4

_‘_ _If you can’t control the world, control yourself.’_

Kaoru repeated the words to himself, fighting to maintain some semblance of calm. He breathed deeply, slowly, in through his nose and out through his mouth, unfocused eyes aimed at the bus floor. He clutched the drug store bag in his lap like a security blanket. In the back of his mind, he sort of wished he’d also purchased some kind of paper or magazine to better hide the bright red rat poison box, so it couldn’t be read through the bag. It wasn’t as though it was an illegal product on its own, but somehow he felt certain that if anyone saw what he was carrying, they would immediately know his intention.

When the bus squeaked to a stop, he blinked his eyes back into focus and risked a glance around as people boarded and exited. It was a well-ingrained habit he’d developed over years of riding public transit that was only reinforced by his new predicament. No one was looking directly at him now, but he swore he could _feel_ attention on him like pinpricks in his skin. Anxiety spiked.

_‘Did someone see the box?’_

_‘Have they guessed somehow, about Hakuei, about the poison?’_

_‘What if I’ve been scented?!’_

He took in a deep breath as he lowered his eyes again, holding it in his lungs until he felt the slightest strain, then letting it flow steadily out past his lips.

It was impossible to fully straighten out his thoughts, fear and sleep deprivation having driven him so far past his mental limits, but with effort, he could at least cling to his next step: getting to work for his shift. He’d wound up on a much earlier bus than his usual one, so he’d arrive in plenty of time to hole up in his preparation room and figure out what to do from there. For now, he just had to keep his head down, be as inconspicuous as possible, and get to his destination.

Simple. Quiet. Still.

So, as much as he wanted to, he didn’t bolt off the bus when a metro policeman got on two stops later, eyes scanning casually over the passengers as he stood near the front and chatted with the driver. Police stressed him out plenty on a normal day; now, he swore the scent of murder and fear was clinging to his hair, and the box in his lap had developed a tell-tale heartbeat. But he had to wait, just a few more stops, maybe a dozen blocks, until he got to his destination. Nothing mattered but his destination. He wouldn’t - _couldn’t_  - think about anything but getting to work. He closed his mouth, breathing only through his nose despite the faint feeling of suffocation it caused, and tried to be silent and invisible.

Three more stops went by. People got on the bus. People got off the bus. The ticket machine whirred and dinged.

A pair of shiny black shoes came to a stop in Kaoru’s field of vision.

“Young man.”

His heart slammed into his throat. Instinctively, he tightened his grip on the bag. Trying to remember what he would normally do, how normal people moved and spoke and breathed, he raised his gaze to meet the policeman’s. Even amid the myriad of smells that composed the air inside a public bus, Kaoru’s sensitive nose could perceive the man’s beta scent. It held some allure for simple proximity, as most did during preheat, but also made part of him long for Hakuei’s scent, like an appetizer stoked one’s hunger for a meal. That realization was deeply unsettling.

“Yes… officer…?”

“You shouldn’t chew on your nails. It’s unsanitary.”

Kaoru blinked, and looked down at his hand. His nails were indeed ragged, torn down to the beds, and his ring fingertip had a thin line of blood where he’d torn part of the skin. He hadn’t bitten them so badly since high school.

“Oh, I… didn’t realize I was. Sorry.”

He tucked his hand against his side, hiding it under the opposite arm, and the officer nodded and walked away. One stop later, the officer got off the bus, and the next stop after that was Kaoru’s. Both welcome reliefs. Equal parts exhausted and harried, he disembarked and headed towards the massage parlor at the fastest pace he could manage. The closer he got to his goal - to arriving into the safety of his prep room - the better he felt. Like he was accomplishing something. Like he had something under control. He tightened his grip on his bag until his knuckles cracked and focused on his breathing. As he walked into the parlor lobby, he glanced at the clock behind the desk, and figured he had about an hour to work out his next step before he had to think about working.

_‘I can do this. I can-’_

“Absolutely not.”

His boss’s voice, sudden and sharp, nearly startled Kaoru out of his skin. He stood frozen, staring at Mr. Amano like a deer in headlights as his frazzled brain struggled with the statement. The older beta set his novel down and leaned over the counter to flap a hand at him sternly.

“You look even worse than you did yesterday! You’re sick. Go _home_.”

Kaoru gaped. His next step was being interrupted, and going home was far from the most enticing prospect at the moment, despite his exhaustion. “But… I…”

“No buts. Niikura, you’re barely on your feet. Here-” Mr. Amano stood from his stool, digging his wallet out of his pocket as he came around the counter. He fished out a few bills and stuffed them into Kaoru’s half-numb palm. “Catch a taxi. Maybe get yourself some hot soup or something. Rest, take care of your business, and send me a text when you’re fit to come back to work.”

Gently, but firmly, Kaoru was grasped by the shoulders and steered out the front doors of the parlor. For a moment, he just stood there, staring at the money clutched in his fist. It hadn’t occurred to him, during his mad scrambling to get dressed or during his flight through the city, just how ragged his appearance must have been, but now that he thought of it, he must look near death. He didn’t think he’d even brushed his hair, and his eyes felt bruised for lack of sleep. If he was actually sick, he’d truly appreciate his boss’s concern for his well-being, but circumstances being what they were, he just felt like he was left floundering for any semblance of safety or normalcy.

_‘You can’t control the world, control yourself.’_

He couldn’t think of what else to do, or where else to go, so he just did as Amano had told him. He came back out of the alley, stood on the side of the street until he could catch a passing taxi, and got a ride back to his apartment. The climb up the stairs to his floor was at once eternal and over in an instant, and he was toeing off his shoes in the entryway before it even struck him that he hadn’t needed to unlock his front door. Apparently, in his earlier frenzy, he’d neglected to lock up. He made very sure to lock it behind himself now, then dropped his messenger bag carelessly next to his shoes and stepped into his kitchen. Slowly, carefully, he took the box of rat poison out of the shopping bag, every tiny crinkle of plastic sounding deafeningly loud to his ears, and set it on the counter.

As he stared at the box, he thought of his fear. He thought of Hakuei’s scent. He thought of standing here, in his home, and being ordered to strip. He thought of how Hakuei’s lips felt against his own. He thought of Murata dying. He thought of the warming grip of a large hand on the back of his neck. He thought of the harder, crushing grip of that same hand on the front of his neck. Threats and promises and deals. Everything swam together, the past couple days seeming to stretch back to the beginning of time, like nothing ever really existed before Hakuei entered his life. And this box… this little red box was going to take away all of it. End it. Kaoru didn’t know how to feel about it, couldn’t wrap his beleaguered mind around his own plan for survival. On autopilot, his body went through the motions of preparing and eating a package of instant noodles from the cupboard, but his eyes and thoughts remained attached to the box throughout the entire process.

Ultimately, he found himself overwhelmed, and put the box in the cabinet under the sink. He had a solution. A plan for how to apply that solution could wait until after he’d slept. Rubbing his face with both hands, he dragged his feet down the hall to the living area, and blearily eyed his rumpled bed. The instinct bubbled up inside him to press his nose to the pillow he’d shared with Hakuei the night before, to take in the alpha’s lingering scent, and in bitter defiance of that instinct, he forced himself to change the pillowcase before collapsing onto the sheets. Too exhausted to bother with undressing or even pulling a blanket over himself, Kaoru let himself be comforted by the potential way out of his predicament, and dropped rapidly into dreamless sleep.

~*~

No one thing could be blamed for Kaoru waking later. Normally he slept lightly, but this time his body kept him locked solidly in a deep healing rest until a combination of lights, sounds, and general unease could slowly drag him back out. Blinking his eyes open drowsily, he took in the familiar, slightly blurry sight of the wall next to his bed, heavily papered with his own artworks. Then he registered that the sounds he’d been hearing were from his living area, and swallowed against an abrupt ball of tension rising in his throat. Sitting up - noting his blanket falling from his chest to pool around his waist - he looked over to find Hakuei sitting near the coffee table, watching television and eating something out of a bowl.

The love seat the alpha sat in did not belong to Kaoru. Nor did the television. The bowl did.

Looking around with a growing sense of alarm, Kaoru found that his small apartment had been reorganized in several places. His pile of video games, consoles, and movies had been neatened into a little shelving unit under a television far larger than his old one. A new cabinet stood over his drawing table, now housing the countless art supplies that used to be strewn about. His closet was standing open, and he could see a significant number of suits hanging up there, and other clothing items folded onto the shelves. A long runner rug had been neatly laid down the hallway leading to the kitchen.

“What-…” Kaoru started, the intrusion of his home grating against his nerves, but his voice cut out when Hakuei twisted in his seat to look back at him.

“Oh, you’re up. Good morning,” the alpha said with a casual wave of his chopsticks before taking another bite.

“What is all of this?” Kaoru asked, trying to hide the agitation in his voice.

“Hmmm?”

“All this…” he gestured around at the apartment, “…furniture?”

“Ah,” Hakuei swallowed his bite and set his bowl on the table. “I brought a few things over from my place when I finished with work. I figured I’d set it up before you finished your shift, but apparently you forgot to text me that you got off early.”

Kaoru felt a little bubble of fear at the note of reproach in that last comment, but he pushed past it. “But why?”

“Well, I can’t very well live out of my overnight bag long term, so I packed up some clothes and toiletries. Thought I’d make the place a bit more comfortable while I was at it.”

“...Long term?”

_‘He can’t possibly intend-’_

“Well, long-ish. I’d move you into my place, but I’ve always been under the impression that omegas prefer familiar territory during heats. Nesting, and all that.”

Indignation, frustration, and no small amount of horror rendered Kaoru momentarily speechless, fists clenched in the blanket. Hakuei really did intend to _move in_ to his home! He’d thought… well, he hadn’t really had the presence of mind to consider what the living arrangements for this deal were going to be, but he certainly hadn’t thought he and the alpha would be full-on living together for the next year. And the fact that Hakuei thought he was being _considerate_ by invading his space was almost as galling as the comment about “nesting.”

_‘Fucking arrogant, intruding son of-’_

“You must be hungry. There’s food in the kitchen.”

_‘And what did he do to my kitchen? Wait.. he was…’_

Kaoru tried not to show the concern that realization caused him. Tried to look casual as he jerked himself out of bed and rushed into the kitchen. Tried to be silent as he yanked open the cabinet door under the sink to check that the box of rat poison hadn’t been disturbed. He bit back a sigh of relief when he found it still in place where he’d left it, tucked fairly inconspicuously between bottles of cleaning supplies.

_‘Fuck! If I’d left it out on the counter…’_

_‘Gods, if he’d seen it, I’d be finished.’_

Carefully, he used his fingertips to cushion the cabinet door as he shut it to muffle the sound before standing. He took the moment to press his fingertips into the bridge of his nose, trying to get his thoughts straightened out. He was rested, now, and sober. Until he found a way to slip Hakuei the poison, he had to be careful not to let the man rile him up, because he was sure he wouldn’t get a second chance if he made a mistake. He’d hardly been awake more than a few minutes, and Hakuei already had him on edge. He had to stay calm. Had to stay in control.

He almost had himself fooled into thinking he’d regained his composure when he felt the warm weight of arms wrapping around his waist from behind, sending every nerve in his body abruptly into high alert. Hakuei’s scent rose around him, heady with that metallic alpha undertone that made Kaoru want to open his mouth and taste it. Large hands teased at the edge of his shirt, fingers slipping under the fabric to stroke along the sensitive skin of his navel. His breath caught at the feeling of skin on skin, and he froze up in anticipation.

“Don’t want to eat?”

“N-… no…”

Kaoru wasn’t sure if he was answering the alpha’s question, or saying no to the fingertips dipping past the waistband of his pants to explore the edges of his hipbones. The rising tide of mixed feelings flooding his body made him shiver.

Hakuei hummed thoughtfully and rested his chin on Kaoru’s shoulder, nosing against the thin strip of neck exposed by the high collar of his shirt. “You can relax, you know. I’m not going to hurt you.”

Kaoru’s head jerked to the side at that, his response snapping out on reflex. “I already agreed to-… you don’t need to lie to me!”

The hands stilled, grasping his hips lightly. “What makes you say that?”

“You wouldn’t need to-…” Gods, he didn’t want to say it out loud, “to _extort_ this deal from me if what you wanted wasn’t too horrible to get normally! You don’t even know me and you want to live with me for a year just so you can-… can-…”

“Is that so?” Hakuei mused when Kaoru couldn’t find a way to finish his sentence. Firmly, he turned the omega around so they were facing one another, bare inches between them. Kaoru’s gaze skittered nervously between meeting Hakuei’s, and darting around the kitchen. He was sharply aware of the alpha’s lack of shirt, and had to force himself not to look at the colorful tattoos sweeping across the toned chest and arms trapping him against the counter. “So you’re alright with me doing whatever I want to you?”

Kaoru sucked in a trembling breath, shaking as the chill of fear clashed with the warmth of arousal. He knew the tremors low in his belly were a warning his heat would set in soon, likely the next day. Would he be able to implement his plan before that happened? If not, would still have the sense to fear the murderer’s darker desires when he was in the throes of the hormonal upsurge? All he’d asked was that Hakuei not kill him; so long as he survived whatever else was done to him, the promise was technically kept.

“That’s… the deal, isn’t it? I’m… yours.”

Hakuei let out a noise then that Kaoru could only classify as possessive, a low almost-growl that rumbled up from deep in his chest and passed into Kaoru’s mouth as the alpha sealed their lips together. Kaoru hadn’t been prepared for the relatively chaste kisses the other night, and he was even less prepared now for the tongue darting between his shock-parted teeth to explore, to taste, to _claim_  his mouth. The steel ball backing of the man’s labret piercing brushed over his lower lip, a hard counterpoint to the full lip it rested in. He let out an afflicted sound, soft and frantic, and Hakuei swallowed it hungrily, hands shoving up into the omega’s shirt to explore his thin, shaking chest. One found a tiny nipple and tweaked it, sending a shock of sensation through Kaoru that had him arching and grabbing at the alpha’s arms for support.

He gasped in a deep breath of air when Hakuei pulled back, sucking in the man’s enthralling scent and the heavy tone of arousal now mingled into it, then gave surprised huff as his shirt was yanked up and over his head. His first instinct was to cover himself with his arms, but Hakuei was back on him before he could, latching onto his neck with lips and teeth and tongue as his hands resumed their exploration. Kaoru panted helplessly as the alpha sank his teeth into his neck just hard enough to sting, then sucked and lapped at the delicate skin to soothe it before nipping again, sending waves of pleasure through his body. Hakuei kept pressing closer, but Kaoru was pinned hard in place, so the taller man grabbed him by the waist and lifted him up onto the counter, pushing his knees apart to stand between them. Kaoru’s panting only got noisier, threaded through with faint moans, when Hakuei abandoned the love mark he’d been working on to trail down and pull the taut nipple he’d played with before between his lips and roll his tongue over it with firm, flicking motions.

“Fuck,” Hakuei growled against Kaoru’s chest, interrupting himself to suck hard on the omega’s other nipple for one brief, electrifying moment before releasing it again. “You are a goddamned treasure.”

Kaoru wouldn’t have known how to respond to that even if Hakuei’s hands hadn’t been tugging at his pants buttons, pulling them open with alarming ease. He grabbed at the alpha’s shoulders, not sure if he intended to push him away or pull him closer, but ended up without the presence of mind to do either when full lips wrapped around his freed cock. All he could do was hang on, biting his lip to muffle his groans, as Hakuei licked, sucked, and completely overwhelmed him into mindless submission. The shame of the situation wasn’t lost on him; straining against strong hands to rock his hips, trying to push his dick deeper into this stranger’s mouth because even if he never expected an alpha - let alone _this_ alpha - to suck him off, the pleasure was as intoxicating as it was unwelcome.

“Ngh! I can’t- Hak-” Kaoru tried, barely able to form a coherent thought, let alone speak as Hakuei refused to slow his ministrations.

His orgasm swept up over him, and he clung onto the alpha’s tattooed shoulders as he rode out the waves of ecstasy with his mouth hanging open, breath caught in his throat. Hakuei responded by pressing him down harder to still his beating hips, and backing off only until his lips were sealed around the head of Kaoru’s cock to catch every last drop of cum in his mouth. Squeezing his eyes shut, Kaoru struggled to regain his breath and settle his racing heart, even as he heard the sound of spitting and the unmistakable squelch of a slick hand pumping an erection. He didn’t know if it was more hot or horrifying, that his own cum and a murderer’s saliva were being used as lube, but when Hakuei came back up to kiss him again with the mixed fluids still on his lips, Kaoru found himself opening up to another devouring kiss as the alpha masturbated over him. His entire body was shaking, weak, and he could feel the lingering aftershocks of pleasure on his neck, nipples, and softened member. It was a matter of only moments before Hakuei finished, pressing close to spatter hot white seed across Kaoru’s stomach, but the enormity of it made it feel like it lasted hours.

Hakuei let their lips part, but didn’t back away, resting his forehead lightly against Kaoru’s as they both came down from his efforts. Kaoru couldn’t bring himself to open his eyes yet, but the scent of their combined releases hung thick in the air between them. He felt certain that he’d never be able to wash Hakuei’s off of himself, like he’d been marked for life by what just happened.

“Kaoru,” Hakuei murmured after some time had passed, “Sweet Kaoru.”

He straightened then, pressing a kiss to Kaoru’s flushed forehead. His hands came up to stroke the omega’s cheeks, tucking his hair behind his ears, one sliding around to cradle his neck the way he’d done before. Kaoru didn’t know what to do, ashamed of what had just happened even as his body fizzed with contentment, every instinct in him screaming to cuddle up and submit to his alpha. He hated how much he wanted more, was terrified of what _more_  was going to be, was utterly baffled by what Hakuei had done and was doing, completely in the face of his dreaded expectations.

Then Hakuei’s lips were moving against his skin, smooth voice sinking into him as he assured him, “If I wanted to hurt you, I wouldn’t need your permission.”

 


End file.
